Welcome to our first Wednesday Wondering of the new format i.e. a monthly rather than a weekly wondering.
Although I would absolutely love to make writing my career, I need to work full time to pay the mortgage and the bills. For most of my working life, I’ve been in Human Resources in training and/or recruitment roles. I’m currently a Learning & Development Advisor for a food manufacturing company. One of my favourite parts of this role is supporting staff members who have some development needs. Recently, I’ve been coaching someone on presentation skills. This individual is actually a very confident presenter but wanted to work on his presentation content and how to keep his audience interested in his message. However, most people I’ve coached on presentations before are really nervous about standing up and speaking in front of others. A Forbes survey in the USA a few years back revealed that, next to dying, public speaking was the biggest fear people had.
My question to The Write Romantics this week is therefore:
What makes you nervous and why? When was the last time you were really nervous and what did you do (if anything) to overcome the nerves?
Here’s what they said:
I get nervous flying. The flight from Australia to the UK takes 24 hours and I do my best to tackle the nerves by reading, watching movies and shutting my eyes whilst I daydream the time away. This usually works until there is turbulence which reminds me if where I am, or when I think of recent events involving air travel. During my recent long haul flight I read Hazel Gaynor’s “The Girl Who Came Home” and lost myself in that world for hours 🙂
Jay says …
What makes me really nervous? I suppose it’s the things where I am most bothered about the outcome. Job interviews, if I really want the role, opening up emails from publishers about novel submissions or getting feedback from others about whether I am ‘good’ at something or not. All of those things make me nervous to varying extents. Sometimes public speaking does too, but only when it’s about *me*. As a lecturer and Chair of multidisciplinary meetings I can be über confident, because it’s professional not personal, but when I have to speak about myself… not so much. I always think of it as being a bit like Worzel Gummidge, for those of you who remember, and putting on a different head!
However, it is probably the single most important thing in life that makes me most nervous – checks on my health. Having been diagnosed with cancer in November 2010, I have to undergo six monthly check-ups, which shred my nerves. I watch the radiographer and consultant’s faces when they are carrying out the tests and imagine that they are looking at me with sympathy and that I’m doomed! I’m getting a bit braver and went for my last check-up without taking someone’s hand to hold (usually hubby or my mum), but I am not sure I would do it again, as the waiting outside the scanning room was torture.
Things I do to make it better? Forgetting about it for the six months, in between visits, is the best that I can do. Oh and hubby hiding the appointment letters until the last minute, so that I don’t have to think about it for too long. It’s a lesson in life though… next time you’re nervous about that job interview or bit of public speaking, ask yourself this – “what’s the worst that could happen?” – and remind yourself that, whatever it is, it could be a whole lot worse.
Harriet says …
Enclosed spaces unnerve me, especially lifts. There was a time when I wouldn’t step inside one, not even accompanied. Now I can, but I’m never comfortable. The worst part, beyond the lift getting stuck which would be my greatest nightmare, is that endless moment between the lift stopping and the doors opening. What I have is claustrophobia, of course. It can happen in all kinds of places, not necessarily in small spaces. I don’t like being in windowless rooms, or anywhere I can’t keep the way out within my sight all the time.
A couple of years ago I had a course of CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) at an NHS clinic. I got on quite well and by the end I was sailing up and down in lifts and locking myself in the smallest spaces (yes, I mean public loos!) with hardly any qualms, but it took a lot of practice and concentration. CBT isn’t a cure but it teaches you to replace irrational thoughts with useful ones so that whenever you’re in the fearful situation you have the means to cope. As time has gone on, I’ve become quite laid back over trying to defeat my phobia and now I use a combination of methods to get by. I have the ‘tricks’ my therapist taught me but I also use a tactic which is absolutely wrong in terms of CBT – avoidance. If you continue to avoid a situation, you are fuelling the fear. That’s the theory and it’s true, of course, but I’ve also come to terms with the problem in that I don’t mind that I have it. Claustrophobia is one of the commonest phobias; you hear people all the time saying that they don’t like lifts – you meet them mostly half way up eight flights of stairs – and knowing so many people feel the same kind of makes it all right.
Alys says …
There’s quite a lot of things which make me nervous but I’ll talk about the writing related ones. Going to London to meet my agent was pretty terrifying. Even though logically I knew that they wouldn’t want to meet me if they weren’t interested in representing me it didn’t stop me feeling pretty sick going into the meeting. Looking back now I’m surprised that I managed to get through it without spilling my tea or tripping over the carpet.
I rather stupidly did something that was even harder than that earlier in the year when I read aloud at an event organised by York Writers as part of York Literature Festival. It was held in the basement bar at our local arts cinema. I’d told myself that it wasn’t a very big place and I’d be fine. But when I got there it suddenly seemed massive. And it was almost full with nearly 100 people there. The stage was about two inches off the floor and the lights were so bright that I couldn’t see the audience at all. I read the first couple of pages of Beltane and my hands shook all the way through. I guess it was good experience but definitely one I never want to do again.
Rachael says …
I tend to worry about traveling. If I have a journey to make, I worry about all sorts of things that could go wrong, even though I know they probably never will. I don’t do this when I book or arrange the trip, but a day or two before – but it hasn’t stopped me going yet! The strange thing about this is that I love to travel, explore new places and meet new people.
It’s one word: confrontations. I can’t bear them. At work, I like to think that I build great relationships with my customers and behave in a way that avoids confrontations but sometimes things are out of my control and someone else does something that means I’m going to have to raise a delicate issue. My stomach does a somersault, my hands go shaky, my heart races and I feel physically sick. Awful. There’s nothing I can do to overcome the nervous feeling; it’s always going to be there in this situation. I think the only way I’d feel better would be if I could cuddle my teddy bear tightly, close my eyes and wish it all away! Unfortunately I’ve had a couple of appalling weeks where I’ve had several confrontations or situations where there could easily be one including a face-to-face one at work and an over-the-phone one with a family member. I’m exhausted as a result!
Please join in and let us know what makes you nervous or any coping strategies you can recommend. You’ll find the comments tag at the end of the post tags below.